Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Less talking, more tequila
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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