Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
