I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
