I can't watch pbs sober anymore
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
