At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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