I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
