Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
