I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
