"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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