there was a trapeze. enough said
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
