Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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