My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize