I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
