Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
