oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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