Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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