I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
