She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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