Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
