Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
