So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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