Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
