It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
