someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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