I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
