why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
