Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
