Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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