Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize