last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just want to make out with him forever
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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