I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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