I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
