I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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