Got a toothbrush?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
