I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
