A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
