she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
