I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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