she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
