He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
