and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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