don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
