this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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