I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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