Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
