You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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