I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
