her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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