apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
