its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
