..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
