It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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