there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Vodka?
Forever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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