Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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