Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
