he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The power of my boobs compel you
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
