I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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