I think i peed on brittanys purse
Banned from zoo.
Again?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
