He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
