well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
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he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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