Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
soo... how was my night?
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