Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
