having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
