why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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