Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
