That's intense
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
