Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
