I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
