When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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