If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
