so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
