Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I want is dick and wine.
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