My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
