AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
