yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
