As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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