meet me or not, i'm out of control
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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