she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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