Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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