You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
